Crassula | Ogre Ears (S) Schreck

Schreck’s survival guide

Ogre Ears are like onions. Ogre Ears have layers. Onions have layers. But nobody cares about getting to know Schreck the Ogre Ear’s inner self. They see his outer layer, totally ignoring his deep emotional depth, and they’re like, “Oh, a plant. Plants can’t talk.” As if that excludes him from experiencing close friendships and true love’s kiss. But it’s okay, because Schreck doesn’t need people. He doesn’t need anybody. He’s perfectly miserable on his own. Miiiiserable. Devastaaated. Laaaacking companionship. Woo!

What makes Schreck so special

Unlike some Ogres, this Ogre the plant would die if he lived in a dark, wet swamp. Your Schreck needs bright light and the occasional watering (once every ten days or so depending on the climate) to survive. Additionally, Schreck has a curated list of the people and creatures who aren’t allowed anywhere near him, so please read it carefully: three blind mice, wolves in night gowns, princesses of any kind (unless they turn into ogres at night, in which case he’ll give them a pass), fairy godmothers, talking gingerbread men, three-foot-tall kings with bad hair, and – most importantly, for the love of god – NO talking donkeys. Schreck just not ready for a redemption arc quite yet. Give him time!